Why We Need to Stop Shaming in Society  

Why We Need to Stop Shaming in Society #

Malaysia, we have a sickness. It’s not dengue or haze-induced coughs. It’s a pervasive, toxic addiction coursing through our mamak stalls, family WhatsApp groups, and social media feeds: The Relentless Need to Shame. We’ve turned public humiliation into a national pastime, a spectator sport fueled by self-righteousness and disguised as concern, tradition, or even humour. From the auntie loudly tutting at your body shape to the online mob eviscerating someone for a minor mistake, we wield shame like a blunt instrument, bludgeoning individuality, stifling growth, and poisoning the well of basic human decency. It’s time we confronted this collective ugliness and put down the pitchforks.

Look around. The overweight teenager is mercilessly ribbed at family gatherings – “Eh, jadi bola lah nanti!” (“Eh, you’ll become a ball!”) – their discomfort brushed off as “just joking.” The unmarried woman in her thirties endures endless probing and pitying glances – “Bila nak kahwin? Mak tak nak cucu ke?” (“When will you marry? Doesn’t your mother want grandchildren?”) – as if her worth is measured solely by marital status. The young parent struggling with a crying child in public is met with scowls and muttered judgments about “bad parenting,” oblivious to their exhaustion or desperation. The person who dares to dress differently, pursue an unconventional career path, or simply exist outside rigid societal norms is instantly dissected, labelled “weird,” “too much,” or “asking for trouble.” This isn’t gentle teasing; it’s corrosive, soul-crushing public flogging.

And then there’s the digital coliseum: social media. One misstep, one poorly worded opinion, one moment caught out of context, and the shame mob descends. Forget dialogue or understanding; it’s a frenzy of character assassination, doxxing, and gleeful pile-ons. The goal isn’t correction or education; it’s annihilation. We dissect lives, amplify faults, and delight in the downfall, all from the cowardly anonymity of a keyboard. We cloak our venom in performative outrage – “Kita kena tegur!” (“We must correct them!”) – while ignoring the sheer cruelty of our methods. The target is dehumanized, reduced to a hashtag for public execution. What lesson is taught here, except fear?

The damage is profound and far-reaching. Shame doesn’t build better people; it builds anxious, fearful shells. It teaches people to hide their true selves, suppress their struggles, and conform rigidly to avoid the lash of judgment. It silences vulnerability. Who dares to admit failure, seek help for mental health, or pursue a passion deemed “unworthy” when the spectre of public ridicule looms? Shame breeds resentment, isolation, and deep-seated insecurity. It fractures families when “advice” becomes constant criticism. It kills innovation and authentic expression, forcing everyone into the same narrow, “acceptable” mould. It creates a society walking on eggshells, more concerned with avoiding censure than embracing authenticity or offering genuine support.

Worst of all, our culture of shaming is profoundly hypocritical. We preach budi bahasa and community values (muhibbah, gotong-royong), yet actively engage in behaviour that tears individuals down. We demand respect while freely dispensing disrespect disguised as “honesty” or “tradition.” We lament the lack of kindness while being unkind in the most fundamental way – denying others dignity and the right to exist without judgment.

Enough. True strength, true community, isn’t built on tearing others down to feel superior. It’s built on empathy, constructive support, and the radical acceptance that human beings are flawed, complex, and deserving of basic respect. It means replacing the cutting remark with a quiet offer of help. It means questioning our knee-jerk judgments. It means calling out cruelty, even when it’s dressed as “concern” or “just banter.” It means fostering spaces – online and off – where people feel safe to be imperfect, to grow, and to learn without fear of being publicly eviscerated.

Let’s put down the shame weapon. Let’s replace the scowl with a supportive nod, the online pile-on with a private message of concern, the body-shaming “joke” with respectful silence. Let’s build people up instead of relishing their stumble. It’s not about condoning harmful actions; it’s about addressing them with humanity, not humiliation. Our society is bruised enough. Stop the shaming. Start the understanding. The air you clear might just be your own. Shame isn’t a teacher; it’s a prison guard. Let’s set each other free.